Thursday, October 25, 2007
I love how this site ties us all together...like that little strand of mucous that hangs from your mouth into the toilet...after puking your guts out from a long night. Beautiful!
Anyway, I've been getting phone calls/e-mails that border on harassment from Sir Jason "strongly encouraging" me to post a blog. I've thought, I don't have time for this shit...but clearly this is not the case.
In light of a recent birthday of mine (the big quarter century) we've celebrated here in the Pacific Northwest in true Portland fashion...a little weird...truly hip...and needless to say very entertaining.
On Sunday October 21st the Portland crew gathered for a stuff your face with eggs, cheesy-potatoes and bacon brunch, then hit the dog park for "Adventure Bacci". Fear not, we surprisingly had sun, and although the air was crisp, we kept quite warm with Mimosas, Frambiose, and beer.
I can't say I can really top the drunken debauchery that I have read about on the site, but it fit the standards of "daydrinking" for sure.
More to come this soon :)
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
We have been trying to put together a list of rules for the Day Drinkers Society. These are more like suggestions or advise from those who have learned from good or bad experiences. What we have so far is a small sampling of what I would like. I will list what we have below and hope that you will add your rules this. Just click on comment to blog at the bottom. You may need to set up an account with this blog but please do so. It would be nice to hear from some of you.
Some preliminary rules:
Never apologize for drunken buffoonery. This thing is a vicious cycle. You fuck up today, I promise it’ll be me tomorrow.
A nonworking day drinker never gloats to working day drinkers about their antics, unless of course it’s funny… It’s always funny.
If you’re drunk and you have found a good bar, stay there. Excessive moving never gets you anywhere better. It just pisses everyone off.
Know when to get up from the table. If you think it might be time to go, it was time to go a half hour ago.
Overtip. Put good bartenders in your pocket like Vito Corleone put crooked politicians in his. You never know when they will come in handy.
Never say “I’ll never drink again.”
Drink what you want. There are no beer police so tell that guy to go screw. This doesn't shield you from ridicule when you deserve it.
When sober and tired, a shot of tequila will get you going. When drunk and tired, a red bull will get you going. More then one tequila or red bull will keep you going, but in a pet cemetery sort of way.
When drunk, rely on the buddy system. If you leave the group be prepared to suffer the consequences.
If you have to leave the group, call on cell phone. When I’m out looking for your body, I need a timestamp and last place you were awake.
Guys might find drunk sexy but women, not so much
Its okay to decline a girly shot just don't make a big deal out of it
Beer and whiskey result in bad breath. I would NEVER advise against these elixers of the gods but, just be aware of it before you got talk to that girl you've been pounding liquid courage to get up the nerve to talk to.
Never argue with a drunk woman (especially if she's your girlfriend, your buddies girlfriend or your roomate)
Never EVER argue with a group of drunk women, you will always be wrong. Now, bow out gracefully and quickly.
If a drunk girl wants to dance don't argue (see rule 4)
If a group of drunk girls want to do karoke, RUN! (see rule 5)
If a woman warns, "I'm not much of a drinker", she has given you fair warning.
Never waste your time with a girl who says "I'm not much of a drinker"
Why would you start a tab with your credit card? You know whats going to happen.
Get the bartenders name early on but, use it sparingly. You may love him like a father but, he's not.
If bringing booze to a party where you plan on drinking most of it you gotta opt for the larger bottle
Never use a strip club ATM
Be concious of your drinking budget at the beginning and you'll be in good shape later when you're not concious of anything.
Never drink Aftershock , EVER!
With mixed drinks you can go with booze from the well - except if its in a plastic bottle
If the bartender doesn't know how do make it don't explain... change your order
If you don't see a blender that looks like it gets frequent use do not order a frozen drink.
Just don't order frozen drinks.
Don't bust your buddies balls about the beer he's drinking - nobody likes a beer snob.
If your buddie orders a drink that is: A. such a bright color you have to squint B. served in a fruit C. comes with a "crazy straw" D. named after a sex act, position, location, element or fluid - he's asking for it.
A famous person who enjoys a fruity drink is not an excuse - I don't care if Elvis drank Mia Tias you're no fucking Elvis!
Posting embarassing drunk photos on the internet is done to enemies not friends (unless its really fucking funny)
If you're drinking with your buddies and you make the "Fight Club" suggestion you cannot get mad about whatever happens next.
If your friend tries to picks a fight with the bouncer don't stop him - he's got to learn somehow.
Thanks Adrian, Now DayDrinkers, it's you turn.
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
It's been an interesting few weeks. Some good events. Lets get started. Jello slip & slide. What a great idea. I can't take credit for it. Our friend Diana came up with it. We at DDS made it better. By adding KY and baby oil we DayDrinkers were the most lubricated...inside and out. If you want to recreate this event may I suggest using black Visqueen from Home Depot and making sure to drink enough so you don't mind the broken bones.
Last week I misplaced my job. This led to a night of wonderful self destruction. Drinking in a crisis. It's important to remember the ground rules when drinking in a crisis. First, never do it alone. You need your close friends to be you bodyguards, chauffeur, priest, and shrink. Try to avoid you usual spots. Go somewhere where you can piss off the staff as well as the patrons. Allow yourself to get kicked out. When choosing your drink, think longevity. You want to be up and drinking all night. How can you properly defile yourself if you pass out early? Beer is always a good choice. If you see the sun rising feel free to switch over to the hard stuff. The next day you are going to have feelings of guilt and depression. Feel free to wash them away with two or three cold beers.
The cultural rituals of the Day Drinking Society are constantly developing. Last night we experienced a spiritual cleansing. This consisted of Wild Turkey 101, 43, a guitar, Renee's robot chicken dinner, beer, a drum, and boatloads of vodka. We stayed in the safe confines of our home and pressed play. There was laughing, crying, fighting, broken things, and loudness. Today everyone is better. I asked Beau if he felt good today. He said, "I don't feel good, I feel like my insides were scrapped out." Mission accomplished.
Last we have a treat for you. The beautiful Bevin keeps ending up with men who enjoy burning her name in the lawn. She’s going through a stalker jag. Look through this months blogs and you will find the application to date Bevin. Take the test and attach it as a comment. Lets see who passes.
The following is a two part application for those who want to date our Bevin. Poor Bevin has a stalker problem. This is an attempt to weed out the crazy's. Please feel free to fill it out and attach yours as a response to this blog. Just cut and paste the Application to a word document and fill out. The best one gets Luscious Bevin.
Application to Date “The Bevin”
1. Are you crazy?
2. Have you ever screamed in the street about someone?
3. Do you have stalker tendencies?
4. Are you a compulsive liar?
5. Do you live on the 400 block of Pacific?
6. Are you married or engaged?
7. Do you have weird rashes or unexplained break outs?
8. Do you have a job? Are you able to support yourself with this job?
9. Are you homosexual or bi-sexual?
10. Do you play in a band?
11. List all medicine you are on. Prescription or over the counter? (Legal or illegal?)
12. Do you work at Chevron? (Not the gas station!)
13. Have you graduated from high school or have a GED equivalent?
14. Are you between the ages of 27 - 40 years old?
15. Have you ever been in jail? If so, explain.
16. Do you have a reliable vehicle?
17. Do you talk when watching movies?
18. Do you have a bad temper?
19. Do you drunk dial?
20. Are you needy or overly clingy?
21. Do you have a warrant out for your arrest?
22. Do you pay child support or alimony?
23. Do you have any close friends?
24. Have any of your previous girlfriends turned gay immediately after dating you?
25. Do you live with your parents?
Application to date “the Bevin”
1. If I had diabetes and went into insulin shock would you stab me in the ass to save my life?
2. Do you go all the way on the first date?
3. Do you like feet? If so, to what degree?
4. Are you a compulsive liar?
5. How often do you bathe?
6. Do you smoke? Are you offended by smokers?
7. If during intercourse I screamed “stick it in my ass!” what would your response be?
8. If you are a musician and you had the opportunity to date me, would you delete all your booty call numbers and provide proof that you have done so?
9. Do you have any problems sleeping with “the Bevin” and Johnny Cash at the same time?
10. If you had the opportunity to sleep with “the Bevin” would she wakeup to breakfast in bed and a clean house?
11. What’s your favorite time of day to do it?
12. Are you a good cook?
13. Can you get it up after drinking massive amounts of liquor?
14. If my job requires me to move will you go?
15. Do you mind being number 4?
16. What are your four favorite things in life?
17. Are you from West Virginia?
18. Name your three favorite movies.
19. Do you like loud music?
20. If we were walking down a dark street in the quarter and a man approached us with a gun demanding all of our money would you a) give him all of our hard earned cash b) throw me into him and run or c) call his bluff and beat the shit out of him?
21. Are you offended by profanity?
22. How long does it take you to get ready before going out?
23. How many times do you masturbate in one day?
24. Name your three favorite bands.
25. How do you feel about leather?