Friday, November 2, 2007

Voodoo Bender

Hello Daydrinkers,

I sit here in my bed finally able to type after a bender that almost bested me. A lot of good lessons were learned and they will all most likely be ignored in the future. VooDoo Fest was this weekend in New Orleans. This is a three day music festival. Crap, I just looked down and realized that I am still covered in glitter. So is the whole house. Thanks Renee. Anyway, NOLA DDS had a visiter from the New York Chapter. Chris came down and I don't think we disappointed. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday we went out like every cold wonderful drink was our last then raced home right before the sun came up and burned our unholy skin. Then we woke before noon to do it again. There were no bike accidents to speak of, though for some unremembered reason two bikes are in need of repair. Everyone is fatter today then they were last Wednesday, this may be because of our new member from Jacque Amos, I don't know. Everything was right with the world...except for one issue we will discuss now.
"GUN IN MOUTH SYNDROME" = Origins, Ryan Krazer. A feeling of depression and unease in ones own skin brought on my excessive drinking over a three day period. Symptoms may include mild to severe depression, sensitivity to ones own memory, plans to change ones ways, fear of reviewing who one called the night before, and placing a loaded pistol in ones mouth to alleviate all former symptoms. To control and conquer Gun in Mouth one must remove physical gun from mouth then fill the empty whole with Poor Man's Health Care.
"POOR MAN'S HEALTH CARE" = The term also originated from fellow daydrinker Ryan Krayser. It's recipe has been perfected with lots of practice. Originally a simple screwdriver I have tweeked the recipe to combat GIM syndrome by adding a splash of pineapple. Get your vitamin C, get your vodka, and put the gun down. If the first one doesn't take, feel free to try again. One thing is for sure, by the time that third one hits, your good as new. Gun? What gun?.....You're welcome.
Now that you are walking again you may still suffer a strange sensation. You limbs appear to be obeying you, but only in the most rudimentary sense. Your body is functioning as though it was one of those crane arcade games where one uses two levers to operate a small crane to pick up a toy. We at DDS theorize that a small monkey is actually sitting on your brain helping you operate your handicapped limbs. Don't be alarmed, when he feels that you can do it on your own he will crawl out and have a drink with you. BE CAREFUL! He never brings cash and only drinks top shelf! My advise? Pick up his tab. He did you a solid.
Well, now your all patched up. Does your phone have a funtion where you can erase all voice mails without having to hear them? Use it. Text messages? Erase. When people come up to you with "Dude, you were so drink last night", or Remeber what you said to me?", own it. No apologies, no embarrassment. Yes you know you were drinking, yes you know that sometimes you become obnoxious and loud. Shocker. A true friend will keep his mouth shut knowing soon he will be the object of ridicule. All the others are jealous of the devil without a care way you run your life. Fuck 'em.
Well now, I think that covers everything. I will be leaving my lovely NOLA nest for a few months. Steve and Renee are in charge of Blanket City until I return. I ask that some of you use this blog while I am gone. I will still post as I will be visiting one of our colder chapters and I'm sure I will have a lot of work recruiting new members, but let's give this page a new flavor. Call me for the code to blog and it is yours. Milhouse, I'm looking in your direction. Drink, ride bikes, send pictures. See you soon.