Its Sunday….and we are all still alive. Good morning. I feel like Bruce Willis in Unbreakable misusing my powers for drinking. The Gorillas are playing. I’m drinking shots of 43. Steve is yelling “if you mess with the bull, you get the horns.” Life is good. I’m surrounded by friends. This is what daydrinkerssociety is for.
How are you? I miss all you fuckers out there. I hope you are properly representing the Society. I got a text from Milhouse last night that said “This getting hard.” Good job, it should be. We are the chosen ones. What we were chosen for, I am not sure but chosen none the less.
Why does Renee have so many bruises?
I have to confess…I’ve been drinking this morning. Enough about that though. Lets get to business. How to better the Society? Send some god damn pictures kids. How else is everyone supposed to know what you are up to. Hopefully you won’t remember either but the pictures will be there to make you laugh in the morning. There is nothing better then someone telling you a story about you, that you don’t remember. You listen and love it. You can’t get enough of yourself. You are a funny motherfucker. Why remember anything when you have great friends who will tell you exactly what happened last night. “You were such a dick last night. I had to totally take care of you.” Sure…and you were top hat and tails.
What else? Rules. We need to start publishing our rules. I have some thoughts but not enough to make it official. I’ll attach a few and you can add to them by e-mailing me. Get to work.
J
Rules
Never apologize for drunken buffoonery. This thing is a vicious cycle. You fuck up today, I promise it’ll be me tomorrow.
A nonworking day drinker never gloats to working day drinkers about their antics, unless of course it’s funny… It’s always funny.
If you’re drunk and you have found a good bar, stay there. Excessive moving never gets you anywhere better. It just pisses everyone off.
Know when to get up from the table. If you think it might be time to go, it was time to go a half hour ago.
Overtip. Put good bartenders in your pocket like Vito Corleone put crooked politicians in his. You never know when they will come in handy.
Never say “I’ll never drink again.”
41. Drink what you want. There are no beer police so tell that guy to go screw. This doesn't shield you from ridicule when you deserve it.
When sober and tired, a shot of tequila will get you going. When drunk and tired, a red bull will get you going. More then one tequila or red bull will keep you going, but in a pet cemetery sort of way.
When drunk, rely on the buddy system. If you leave the group be prepared to suffer the consequences.
If you have to leave the group, call on cell phone. When I’m out looking for your body, I need a timestamp and last place you were awake.
